A rare soppy post from this dog, but this one is close to my heart.

The best boy ever

In memory of the best boy there ever was…

1. My life is likely to last 10-15 years. Any separation from you is likely to be painful.
2. Give me time to understand what you want of me.
3. Place your trust in me. It is crucial for my well-being.
4. Don’t be angry with me for long and don’t lock me up as punishment. You have your work, your friends, your entertainment, but I have only you.
5. Talk to me. Even if I don’t understand your words, I do understand your voice when speaking to me.
6. Be aware that however you treat me, I will never forget it.
7. Before you hit me, before you strike me, remember that I could hurt you, and yet, I choose not to bite you.
8. Before you scold me for being lazy or uncooperative, ask yourself if something might be bothering me. Perhaps I’m not getting the right food, I have been in the sun too long, or my heart might be getting old or weak.
9. Please take care of me when I grow old. You too, will grow old.
10. On the ultimate difficult journey, go with me please. Never say you can’t bear to watch. Don’t make me face this alone. Everything is easier for me if you are there, because I love you so.

This had the dog chuckling this morning, you’ve got to admire his honesty, the guy’s just trying to make a living and at least he’s not engaged in actual piracy..

Someone sent me this on email today, and it made me chuckle, blokeland it would seem is very similar to the Dog’s world.

None of that Sissy Crap

Are you tired of those gay ‘friendship’ poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship.

You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this card- Just the stone cold truth of solid friendship.

1. When you are sad – I will help you get fried and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

2. When you are blue — I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile – I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.

4. When you get scared — I will rag your sorry arse about it every chance I get afterwards.

5. When you are worried – I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit your girly whining.

6. When you are confused — I will use little words and laugh at you

7. When you are sick – Stay the hell away from me until you are well again.  I don’t want to get whatever you have.

8. When you fall — I will point and laugh at your clumsy arse.

9. This is my oath…. I pledge it to the end ‘Why?’ you may ask; ‘because you are my friend’.

Friendship is like pissing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel it’s true warmth.

Remember: A friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body. Let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel…

Send this to 10 of your closest friends, then get depressed because you can only think of 4 if youre lucky.

haha class. ..most of the people I know with these phones, this isn’t far off

Here’s a piece that made the dog chuckle today, mainly because it will no doubt annoy feminists everywhere, but also because we can now clearly see this is how things are supposed to be,  speaking  in evolutionary terms of course.

Women, when you’re taken out to dinner, you have to put out.

Scientists have observed Chimps making “meat for sex” deals whereby the males return with the spoils of a days hunter gathering, and the females get fed and then give it up.

Researchers have confirmed that male chimpanzees who share meat with females mate twice as often as those who prefer to keep their food to themselves.

These “meat for sex” deals, observed among chimps in Ivory Coast by Dr Cristina Gomes and colleagues from the Max Planck Institute for Evolutionary Anthropology, are significant because they’re “long-term” arrangements: Males will share meat from hunting expeditions with females even when they’re not in oestrus, thereby increasing the possibility of copulation when they are.

Dr Gomes suggested the findings might offer insights into human evolution. The team’s report specifies: “Similar studies on humans will determine if the direct nutritional benefits that women receive from hunters in foraging societies could also be driving the relationship between reproductive success and good hunting skills.”

Of course women in general, and feminists in particular , delude themselves that they are not even animals, they are “human” (which is not a mammal and therefore not an animal, obviously) and that civilization (yada yada yada) means that none of this is significant anymore, because we as a species have moved on past this primitive (but obviously effective through millions of years of survival needs) way of the males looking after the females.

Well guess what ladies, we haven’t, and we wont be any time soon (in evolutionary terms, things take a long time to change) ..you’ll still be getting bent over after dinner when we’re bringing home the Zargburgers in our intergalactic space cruisers while you sit at home gossiping about each other and fantasizing about different hunter gatherers.

And don’t even think about asking if you can take the cruiser to the hairdressers, face it ladies,  women’s evolutionary role is not driving…

why dont we get straight talking like this in the Commons? – as one of my pals called it this is “a Viking Raid of a speech” or possibly a Somalian Pirate raid these days?

talk about  “consider yourself told..”

Have you seen this email going around?

Allegedly..

T. B. Bechtel, a City Councillor from Newcastle, was asked on a local live radio talk show, just what he thought about the allegations of torture of suspected terrorists. His reply prompted his ejection from the studio, but to thunderous applause from the audience.

HIS STATEMENT:

‘If hooking up one raghead terrorist prisoner’s testicles to a car battery to get the truth out of the lying little camelshagger will save just one Australian life, then I have only three things to say, Red is positive, Black is negative, and make sure his nuts are wet!’

yes, well, dont worry about human rights, ethics or any of that eh.. ?

Ok here it is, confirmation from those that know, of how close we actually got to an unstoppable systemic  global financial collapse.

At about 2 mins 20 seconds into the video..

Paul Kanjorski of Pennsylvania explains how the Federal Reserve told Congress members about a “tremendous draw-down of money market accounts in the United States, to the tune of $550 billion dollars.” According to Kanjorski, this electronic transfer occurred over the period of an hour and threatened a further $5 trillion to be drawn out,  triggering a total collapse of the Financial System, which prompted Hank Paulson’s emergency $700 billion TARP bailout action.

Ok kiddies get ready, here it comes..

Global bankruptcy looms, and is made more, not less likely by the continued actions of our chosen leaders. Printing more fake money to lend to us so we spend it and keep turning your damn treadmill just a little longer is so, not going to fix this.

“All truth passes through 3 phases: First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed, and Third, it is accepted as self-evident.”

— Arthur Schopenhauer

Well the truth is most certainly out there now, and it’s not good for anybody.. the UK is well and truly f***ed.

Black clouds are gathering above the horizon. The IMF just announced that the world trade collapsed by staggering 45% in the last quarter of last year. Even the euphoria of Obama’s inauguration didn’t last long. The same day Dow closed below 8,000 as banking fears were gripping the European markets and bringing shockwaves from the United Kingdom too. British Banks got a £1TN injection which didn’t prevent RBS shares to plunge 70%. London is faced with a bloodbath. Brown admitted there is not yet a limit on how much risk taxpayers must bear they pass it on . Looks like the Brits are too being set up for the mother of all crashes. With the UK government debt alone and future liabilities not included, this means that every new baby is born with £17,000 debt. Checkmate! UK cannot take Iceland’s soft option, Evans-Pritchard explains: as a result of his rescue plan, but he even promised financial institutions that they will get more cash if

The parallels with Iceland are disturbing. The country was ruined by the antics of its three big banks. They built up foreign liabilities equal to 900pc of GDP. Operating as hedge funds, they borrowed in dollars, euros and pounds to speculate….If Britain walked away from UK banks’ $4.4TN of foreign liabilities – worth eight times Lehman Brothers – it would destroy the credibility of the City and take the whole world into deeper depression… The sovereign debt of Russia, Ukraine, Greece, Italy, Belgium, Austria, The Netherlands, Ireland, Australia, New Zealand and Korea is all being tested by the markets. The core of countries deemed safe is shrinking by the day to a half dozen. Sadly, Britain is no longer one of them. (01/20/09)

As financial illiteracy and corruption are about to engulf the whole planet, some speculate more and more about the meanings of The Mayan 2012 prophecy. One thing is certain though:

it is The End Of The World As We Know It -..or TEOTWAWKI as an acronym frequently used by the doomsayers.

fasten your seatbelt Dorothy it’s going to get rough for a while now.

This always makes me laugh a lot.

People who think Paris for Valentines would be in anyway romantic. Clearly they’ve never been there.

Paris is supposed to be a city for lovers and in the springtime, if you manage to catch a nice day a walk along the banks of the Seine is very pretty, I’ll go that far.

But as one who has been to Paris many times, stayed there, driven round it, through it and and twice actually stayed there with the lover at the time,  this dog’s pretty damn confident going all the way to Paris for a cold wet weekend in amongst Parisians (who mostly even the rest of France don’t much like) would be about as romantic as a weekend out on a trawler in the North Sea.

In between dodging approaches from dodgy customers on the streets, getting routinely pushed, shoved and dissed by the “oh-so-hospitable” Parisians and virtually (and once literally) robbed in every restaurant or bar you go in, then dodging the muggers again on the way home again, there’s not much time left for romance I promise.

The last time I was there we stayed at Pershing Hall which is lovely, if only we’d just stayed in the damn place and made our own romance the whole time and not had to endure the “Parisian romance” it would have been a whole lot more pleasant.

Paris in February?  Romantic my arse.

Doggings arse